Obsession: Unintegrity Pandemic Variety #5
Obsession, in the context of Unintegrity, means my goal is so important that I will reach it no matter what damage I do to myself or others along the way. It is this kind of obsessiveness that gives rise to the cliché, “the ends justify the means.” Unintegrity-based obsession comes in three main flavors: Obsessive Overdrive, Obsessive Secrecy and Obsessive Crusading.
Obsessive Overdrive
Obsessive Overdrive is a state in which all life balance is compromised as a single-focused goal is pursued. A very common example is the leader or entrepreneur who focuses on business at the ongoing expense of personal balance and cherished relationships. Of course, in real life, most business people have busy periods. I am referring to this imbalance being more the rule than the exception.
Even people doing profoundly noble work in service of higher good, such as Mohandas Gandhi, can fall into this trap. It has been commonly reported that his wife and children chronically felt neglected by his single-mindedness on being of service in the world. In serving this way, he may not have served those he loved in ways that nourished them. This is an important illustration for two reasons. First, Unintegrity is possible even in those whose good intentions are unquestionable. Second, Unintegrity is possible even when doing profoundly valuable things to improve the state of the world.
Obsessive Secrecy
Obsessive Secrecy is a state in which secrecy is demanded in order to maintain abusive forms of power. Of course, in real life there are times when secrecy is required for integrity to be preserved, such as client-psychotherapist confidentiality or client-attorney privilege. In contrast,
A classic example of obsessive secrecy comes from my experience as a psychotherapist. To preserve confidentiality, this example is a composite of a number of situations my clients have shared with me. It is the husband and father who essentially leads a double life. On the one hand, he is highly regarded in the community as a church elder and civic organization volunteer, and who has won many awards for all his community service. On the other hand, he is verbally abusive with his wife and has incested his daughters, and has then threatened to kill them if they ever told a soul about what goes on at home, insisting that what goes on in his family is nobody’s business. The words he hides behind are, “a good and righteous family never airs its dirty laundry in public.”
Obsessive Crusading
Obsessive Crusading is a state in which a person passionately pursues a cause more as an expression of unresolved trauma, mental illness or megalomania (extreme obsession with having ultimate power), than as an outgrowth of a high-minded state. The milder form could be called Traumatized Obsessive Crusading while the apt term for the most extreme form is Ideological Obsessive Crusading. Of course in real life, there are people who passionately pursue causes from high-minded, love-based states of mind, heart and spirit.
Periodically, a story makes the news in which a parent’s child has been killed in a particularly brutal way by an elusive killer, and where the parent has vowed to not rest until the killer is caught and “justice” is served. As understandable as this might sound on the surface, I am talking about the parent who wants revenge more than true justice, and who is willing to sacrifice their health, livelihood and remaining family in order to get it. Seeking an outer fix (revenge) for an inner problem (grief and rage) is not only ineffective, but it requires huge amounts of Unintegrity in order to pursue. This is an example of Traumatized Obsessive Crusading.
At the far extreme of Obsessive Crusading is Ideologically Obsessive Crusaders. There are people who invoke some variety of higher principle (a philosophy, religion, or even science) to justify advocating hatred and violence.
Sometimes this person acts alone and sometimes this person recruits followers. Always this person insists s/he is doing this in service of higher good, and most often s/he vehemently insists that those who do not subscribe to his/her ideology are the devil. Always as well, these people are ultimately revealed to have a history of severe trauma, mental illness or megalomania (extreme obsession with having ultimate power). They are usually willing to die for their cause, but more often are willing for others to die for this cause. Jim Jones is a good example, but any number of examples can be found throughout history.
The most famous of the 20th century Ideologically Obsessive Crusaders was Adolph Hitler. The most famous of the 21st century is Osama bin Laden. What all Ideologically Obsessive Crusaders have in common is an extremely severe and dangerous, but unclassified, psychological disorder that I refer to as Fanaticism Disorder.
Whether Traumatized or Ideological in variety, Obsessive Crusaders are fiercely devoted to, and usually in highly disciplined “integrity” with, their beliefs. Yet they are in a state of Unintegrity. What gives this away? Crusading that advocates hatred or violence as a result of projecting one’s own disowned inner darkness onto others, is never in service of highest good.
