Undependability: Unintegrity Pandemic Variety #2
Undependability means not making good on commitments made. What I say I’ll do and what I actually do are two different things. Undependability is perhaps the form of Unintegrity most often recognized as Unintegrity. Even so, I have noticed that most people refer to this by names other than integrity. Names that water down the magnitude of what is at stake, such as: lazy, irresponsible, undependable, and even commitment-phobic. But if we are going to truly break through the veil of denial about the magnitude of the Unintegrity Pandemic in the 21st century, you might want to consider calling this what it is: Unintegrity.
Undependability can occur despite good intentions. Undependability is about follow-through more than intentions. When our undependability is pointed out to us and we respond by making excuses, making us unaccountable for our actions. This only compounds our Unintegrity.
Example of Unintegrity Through Undependability: Chronic Lack of Accountability Among People At Work
Someone makes a commitment. They don’t follow through. When called into accountability, the excuses fly. Or the lies. Or the manipulative shame (they respond with so much shame that it seems cruel to hold them accountable – and that’s the manipulation). This is Unintegrity.
We have all seen this in employees, supervisors, co-workers, vendors, customers, and of course ourselves. And we have seen this – and been this – in our personal lives as well.
Another Example of Unintegrity Through Undependability: The Divorce Epidemic
Pundits pontificate about how the divorce epidemic is so high because people don’t have enough religion, or because we are an ‘anything goes’ culture, or because too few people take the institution of marriage seriously enough anymore, or et cetera.
I would suggest that even though there are grains, and sometimes boulders, of truth in all these reasons, each are symptoms and not the cause. You will not be surprised to read that I propose the source of the divorce epidemic is the Unintegrity Pandemic.
One of the seven crucial Integrity skills is Relationship Synergy: knowing how to join together to create solutions that honor both people’s core intentions. To be able to identify and honor our own core intentions, we must first be in integrity with ourselves. To co-create solutions that honor both people’s intentions, we must be committed to maintaining the integrity of the relationship.
I propose that insufficient personal and relationship integrity causes or contributes to far more divorces than lack of religion, an ‘anything goes’ culture, or because not enough people take marriage seriously anymore.
