Undependability means not making good on commitments made. What I say I’ll do and what I actually do are two different things. Undependability is perhaps the form of Unintegrity most often recognized as Unintegrity. Even so, I have noticed that most people refer to this by names other than integrity. Names that water down the magnitude of what is at stake, such as: lazy, irresponsible, undependable, and even commitment-phobic. But if we are going to truly break through the veil of denial about the magnitude of the Unintegrity Pandemic in the 21^st century, you might want to consider calling this what it is: Unintegrity.

Undependability can occur despite good intentions. Undependability is about follow-through more than intentions. When our undependability is pointed out to us and we respond by making excuses, making us unaccountable for our actions. This only compounds our Unintegrity.

Example of Unintegrity Through Undependability: Chronic Lack of Accountability Among People At Work

Someone makes a commitment. They don’t follow through. When called into accountability, the excuses fly. Or the lies. Or the manipulative shame (they respond with so much shame that it seems cruel to hold them accountable – and that’s the manipulation). This is Unintegrity.

We have all seen this in employees, supervisors, co-workers, vendors, customers, and of course ourselves. And we have seen this – and been this – in our personal lives as well.

Another Example of Unintegrity Through Undependability: The Divorce Epidemic

Pundits pontificate about how the divorce epidemic is so high because people don’t have enough religion, or because we are an ‘anything goes’ culture, or because too few people take the institution of marriage seriously enough anymore, or et cetera.

I would suggest that even though there are grains, and sometimes boulders, of truth in all these reasons, each are symptoms and not the cause. You will not be surprised to read that I propose the source of the divorce epidemic is the Unintegrity Pandemic.

One of the seven crucial Integrity skills is Relationship Synergy: knowing how to join together to create solutions that honor both people’s core intentions. To be able to identify and honor our own core intentions, we must first be in integrity with ourselves. To co-create solutions that honor both people’s intentions, we must be committed to maintaining the integrity of the relationship.

I propose that insufficient personal and relationship integrity causes or contributes to far more divorces than lack of religion, an ‘anything goes’ culture, or because not enough people take marriage seriously anymore.

I offer you a couple of warnings before I launch into the examples:

1. This is Not About Blame: As I said above, the purpose of this chapter is not to lay blame but to expand your awareness of the range of ways in which Unintegrity expresses itself. Because I see the Unintegrity Pandemic as a systemic problem, I hold to blame no one individual, culture, religion, organization, business, profession, political party, governmental agency, country and organization of countries. I propose instead that each one of us has a huge role to play in solving this problem. Each individual, culture, religion, country, organization, business, profession, political party, governmental agency, country or organization of countries. So, as you read the rest of this chapter, I ask you to not dwell upon the question of who is at fault. Rather, simply open your eyes to how pervasive the Unintegrity problem is, so you can begin to focus on the solution (an integrity revolution), instead of continuing to view each of these illustrations as separate problems needing to be addressed separately.
2. Refrain From Despair: While it might be tempting to throw your hands up in despair as you read about the magnitude and pervasiveness of the Unintegrity Pandemic, please keep in mind that this book is about a solution to this problem. Only this chapter is about the problem itself. I therefore urge you to treat this chapter as a call to consciousness and as a means to motivate, not as an invitation to despair.
3. Examples Cross Categories: I have placed the examples you are about to read into individual categories to make it easier to understand each category. In reality, though, most of these Unintegrity illustrations could just as easily have been used to illustrate other categories as well. So, if you find yourself thinking, “This example could have been an illustration of arrogance as greed,” that is probably true.